On the occassion of a mutual friend's birthday late-night bash, myself
and some fellow goons (no_fuse and greatmovies) decided to partake in
a Mississippi Delta coming-of-age tradition that we hadn't indulged in
since we'd learned better years ago: making Whoop-Juice.
There is no true recipe, per se, as it is mostly made by overly
enthusiastic teen losers like we used to be. Teens cannot be bothered
with artistry when it comes to making drinks, especially when those
drinks are made by the batch. Suffice it to say the recipe calls for
Everclear and fruit punch. Anything else is at the mixologist's
discretion.
Here's how we discrete, we being older with more refined palates.
1) Buy shit-tons of fruity juices and stout drink. Everclear is
highly recommended since it is powerful as all get-out and has no
distinct taste. Remember, the goal here is to get the party out of
hand and the best way to do that this side of cocaine is to hide the
alcohol behind a curtain of fruit. A delicious curtain.
2) Add ice first. I've been a bartender for years and I can tell you
that if I have learned one thing during my years tending bar it is
that ice goes in first. It just does.
3) Add your booze. Booze makes for drunk people and drunk people
make for comedy. Comedy is funny.
4) By now your Everclear is getting lonely. Why not give it some
company? Fruity company. This is Minute Maid Tropical Punch. We
bought this shit because it has lemons and shit on the jug. And
no_fuse liked the pretty colors. Anyway, pour that shit in.
5) Add more fruity shit. Remember, that was a lot of hooch we poured
in earlier and we have to make this stuff drinkable for the
party-goers.
6) I liberated some random cans of fruit juice from work earlier.
RANDOM. Who cares about what fruits are used? This just happens to
be pineapple. Pour.
7) Since the party tonight is likely to be a collection of pseudo-hip
indie rock faggots who want to solemnly smoke their Parliaments while
looking bored and discussing the latest Xiu Xiu b-side we decided to
add so go-juice to the concoction. Twelve Sobe energy drinks should
do the trick. Hopefully we'll be peeling poseurs from the ceiling by
dawn.
8) More booze, god damn it!
9) No batch of whoop-juice is complete without citrus wedges tossed
in. We also added pineapple for extra deliciousity. I have skinny
wrists.
10) You're done. High-five your pal.
and some fellow goons (no_fuse and greatmovies) decided to partake in
a Mississippi Delta coming-of-age tradition that we hadn't indulged in
since we'd learned better years ago: making Whoop-Juice.
There is no true recipe, per se, as it is mostly made by overly
enthusiastic teen losers like we used to be. Teens cannot be bothered
with artistry when it comes to making drinks, especially when those
drinks are made by the batch. Suffice it to say the recipe calls for
Everclear and fruit punch. Anything else is at the mixologist's
discretion.
Here's how we discrete, we being older with more refined palates.
1) Buy shit-tons of fruity juices and stout drink. Everclear is
highly recommended since it is powerful as all get-out and has no
distinct taste. Remember, the goal here is to get the party out of
hand and the best way to do that this side of cocaine is to hide the
alcohol behind a curtain of fruit. A delicious curtain.
2) Add ice first. I've been a bartender for years and I can tell you
that if I have learned one thing during my years tending bar it is
that ice goes in first. It just does.
3) Add your booze. Booze makes for drunk people and drunk people
make for comedy. Comedy is funny.
4) By now your Everclear is getting lonely. Why not give it some
company? Fruity company. This is Minute Maid Tropical Punch. We
bought this shit because it has lemons and shit on the jug. And
no_fuse liked the pretty colors. Anyway, pour that shit in.
5) Add more fruity shit. Remember, that was a lot of hooch we poured
in earlier and we have to make this stuff drinkable for the
party-goers.
6) I liberated some random cans of fruit juice from work earlier.
RANDOM. Who cares about what fruits are used? This just happens to
be pineapple. Pour.
7) Since the party tonight is likely to be a collection of pseudo-hip
indie rock faggots who want to solemnly smoke their Parliaments while
looking bored and discussing the latest Xiu Xiu b-side we decided to
add so go-juice to the concoction. Twelve Sobe energy drinks should
do the trick. Hopefully we'll be peeling poseurs from the ceiling by
dawn.
8) More booze, god damn it!
9) No batch of whoop-juice is complete without citrus wedges tossed
in. We also added pineapple for extra deliciousity. I have skinny
wrists.
10) You're done. High-five your pal.