"This is a dinner about steakery... HP sauce... rib-eyes."


For my next recipe, ladies and gentlemen, I would appreciate the loan of any juicy cut of meat from your refrigerator... a rib-eye, new york strip, filet mignon...



Ah, two rib-eyes it is, good sir. Watch out for the slightest bit of salmonella.




"Up to your old tricks, I see."

Why not, I'm an amateur chef.

Emeril Lagasse once said that a chef is just an actor... just an actor playing the part of a chef.


During the next 30 lines, everything I cook is really my work and based on solid cuts of meat.

What you need:

- Meat. Not just any meat, but good meat.
- Adolf Hitler's Tenderizer
- A1 Steak Sauce (for crumb crisp coating)



Step 1. Tenderizing the rib-eyes.

[cue "Psycho" shower scene music]









Step 2. Apply Adolf's Tenderizing



I've contacted the various leaders in Europe... there will be no MSG.

Step 3. Paint on Steak sauce...



And now a quote by Child: "You don't have to cook fancy or complicated masterpieces - just good food from fresh ingredients."

Step 4. Grill.


Open the grill door, HAL.



and here's a shot from Jaws re-enacted:




et Voila!



I used Mrs. Buckley's frozen peas, picked fresh IN July. The potatoes are Country Crock brand and delicious.



Use only HP steak sauce or I'll go down on you.

and the obligatory beer picture...




Lastly, I made a sweet Baked Alaska. First, I took fresh ice cream I churned myself in my ice cream maker. After much time, this was chilled appropriately. I used the finest French pastry flour to create the sweet flaky outside. The merengue was from uncaged eggs freshly picked from our yard. The oven finished my Baked Alaska perfectly... sorry for the lack of pictures, but it was quite delicious.

Just kidding. For the last paragraph, I've been lying my head off.

FIN.